Tonight, for the third time in 11 months, I’m going to go out after work instead of picking Mason up from daycare. My co-workers arranged a happy hour, and I’m super excited to go and hang out with them (it’s my first Parents.com happy hour!). But I’m also wrestling with big-time guilt.
Before Mason was born, my hubby and I went out several nights a week. But after Mason was born and Chris started working out of town, I found it incredibly difficult to take any time for myself. The fact that I have to hire (and pay) a babysitter isn’t really the issue–it’s that if I’m not around then Mason has to spend “our time” with someone else. And that sort of breaks my heart.
But here’s the kicker: Despite the guilt, I’m looking forward to a night off from giving Mason dinner. It’s a relief. After all the food throwing, sippy cup battles, and now his refusal to eat anything but graham crackers, raisins, and applesauce for dinner, I find myself dreading dinnertime more often than not. I’m sad that I feel this way, because I love cooking for Mason and eating out with him, but when every bite is a fight it just gets exhausting.
I shared my feelings with Chris last night and he insisted that there was no reason to feel guilty. He pointed out that I’ll be home in time to give Mason a bath and put him to bed (two things I never let anyone else do), and we both agreed that I need a break every now and then. But still…
Can any of you other mamas relate?