My husband is getting ready to go on a trip to Bordeaux, France. For work. Sounds tough, right? He’ll be eating and drinking his way through one of the most famous wine regions in the world. A wine region that’s been on my bucket list since I worked as a travel editor at a wine magazine years ago. But, hey, I’m not jealous. I’ll be home with my two lovely children — completely outnumbered and on the verge of losing my sh*t. Alone. For a week.
But here’s the best part. It just so happens that while my hubs is traveling, our preschool /daycare is hosting the big end of year party in a giant park in our neighborhood. A park I would normally never attempt to take my children to by myself. But, hey, I’m a strong, capable mom. Rules are for breaking. And, this time, I’m breaking them big. In fact, I’m not just going to show up with my kids. I’ll be sure that we make an impression by doing these things…
1. Roll in with goldfish cracker goo crusted on my stroller (and my toddler). Yes, other people’s kids might eat those cheesy little crackers as much as mine do, but my stroller will be more caked in the gooey, gummy mess than any other stroller there. And my toddler will match. #DreamBig
2. Show off my mad juice box-contributing skills. That’s right, I’m bringing juice boxes this year, y’all. Not home-baked brownies, or home-cooked mac’ n’ cheese. Juice boxes. I might even spring for the organic kind. Goals.
3. Let my 5-year-old ride the carousel as many times in a row as he wants. Because if he’s doing that then he’s not running off and hiding behind trees, chatting up weird park lurkers, or smacking toddlers in the face with water balloons. And yes, he can scream at the top of his lungs while doing it (what parent finds that annoying?).
4. Forget our blanket so we can squat on a friend’s. More dirty footprints on the blanket = more fun right? And if there’s one thing my kids are awesome at, it’s leaving dirty footprints (and an array of other marks) wherever they go. Who wants to share with us?
5. Be a social butterfly, especially around parents I don’t know. See, it takes a village. So by being super
obnixous outgoing — say, interrupting conversations to introduce myself loudly to strangers — I’m reinforcing those community values. You’re welcome, people!
6. Let the other dads do my husband’s bidding. I will have my hands full. So, I figure there will be plenty of dads who will be more than happy to step up and take on my kids as well, say by holding my son’s hand during his unlimited trips on the carousel or changing my daughter’s poopy diaper after she eats all that mac ‘n’ cheese someone else brings.
7. Tweet everything we eat, do, and say during the party. Because everyone will be dying to know what’s up at the preschool party. And parents love having photos of their children broadcast to potential predators on social media, amirite?!
Hope to see you there! Tip: Don’t park too close to our icky stroller.